REYNOLDS RAP, July 31, 2010

REYNOLDS RAP
July 31, 2010

BEFORE WORDS

Over the next few weeks, I’d like to share with you a few bits of memorabilia. A couple of years ago, I wrote a series of memories of events of my own ministry, Memories of Ministry. I wrote it for the possible interest of my children and grandchildren, any fellow travelers on the ministerial tracks, and curious friends who wonder how I got that way. Here is one memory.


FIRST BAPTISM
BE PREPARED, BUT EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED

Most newly-ordained ministers are familiar with the horror stories of others beginning their ministry whose first wedding, baptism or funeral had been something of a disaster. I was newly ordained and new to the congregation. I was determined that my first baptism would not be remembered for my fumbles and botches. I prepared thoroughly. I memorized the baptismal service and considered every move that I would make.

The little village of Waterford sits amid the hills of southern New Brunswick in a beautiful valley where two streams join. The Waterford United Church sits on a knoll of solid rock in the midst of the village. It is a well-proportioned church with a high steeple, “beautiful on Mount Zion.” The entrance was at the front of the sanctuary, resulting in some embarrassment for visitors arriving late and on entering, finding the whole congregation looking at them.

On this particular Sunday morning, two baby boys were to be baptized. All was going well and we were singing the baptismal hymn, when I looked down from the pulpit and realized that there was no baptismal font, no bowl, and no water. This was 1954, and the Waterford church, typical of country churches of the time, had no electricity, no running water, no kitchen – just sanctuary and vestry. What to do?

First, I remembered that there was a brook about fifty yards down the road. There was water. But the hymn would be finished before I could get there and back. Well, the congregation would just have to stand there and wait.

But what to carry the water in? An elder of the congregation lived next to the church, perhaps I could get a dish there. What if the house was locked? (They were all in church.) I would just have to take the chance. People in those days usually didn’t bother to lock doors.

I started for the door. As I came down from the pulpit platform, I noticed the wood stove used to heat the church in colder weather. I remembered that there was an old rusty tin can used in the winter to throw kerosene on the wood to get the fire started quickly. If the house was locked, I could get water in the kerosene can.

I went to the stove, got the kerosene can and started back for the door. All this seemed like an eternity in my own mind, but the congregation was still singing the baptismal hymn. As I got to the entry at the front of the church I noticed the flowers of the communion table. There was my water!

Going to the table, I poured water from the flowers into the rusty kerosene can and turned to the congregation just as they were finishing the hymn. The baptism proceeded without further interruption.

Some twenty-five years later, I was invited back to this congregation for an anniversary service. I was extremely pleased (and maybe a bit relieved) to find that these baby boys, now young men, were both elders of the congregation. Water from the flowers in a rusty can, but I guess the baptism “took.”



AFTER WORDS

Brenda and I have just returned from a couple of weeks in Nova Scotia, visiting family and friends. We jumped from the Maritimes to the West Coast in 1971. Maritime roots still run pretty deep.

We had a great trip, enjoyed Maritime hospitality, and had lobster twice! There were even left-overs, reminiscent of “olden times” when my Aunt Lucy would take the left-over lobster, chop it up, and heat it in the frying pan with butter and lemon juice – then serve it on toast. It was and is delicious! But there are seldom lobster left-overs these days.

LAST CAST

The following is from Ralph Milton’s “Rumors” which he and Jim Taylor (“Soft Edges,” jmt@quixotic.ca) produced for a good number of years until Ralph “retired” last spring. Reynolds Rap is but a pale imitation of Rumors which, because it was so interesting and with such humour, expanded to a readership of over eight thousand. I may imitate Rumors, but I have no hope or desire to equal its success.

The Puzzled Philosopher:
* Can you cry under water?* How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?* Why does a round pizza come in a square box?* What disease did cured ham actually have?* How is it that we put a person on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?* Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?* Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?* Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.* Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? * Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?* If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?* If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?* Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?* Why did you just try singing the two songs above?* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?


It’s a Rap. Grace and peace to all. Alan